i'm weird. apparently.

earlier this week, i received an email from my dearest l. the subject line read: "you know how you like weird things?" the rest of the email went on to say "I found this online, and I thought you might like it." she was right.... sometimes it's scary how well my friends know me. good work, l. i'm mostly likely now going to run away to london to make architectural models out of jello with sam and harry.

(fake) birthday present idea.

i've found the perfect present for dwight's next birthday (for the actual date, just break into his personal records). it's so perfect, i think he may already have it. if so, it's probably hidden in the filing cabinet under "s" for silicone.

time warp.

a few days ago, my usually-technologically-savvy dad emailed me asking how to "forward a picture from facebook." i wasn't totally sure what he meant, but wrote back saying that if he put a picture into an album on facebook, he could copy and paste the public link to someone. he wrote back saying that he found a picture of me tagged on someone's wall and wanted to show me.... ok. that made no sense, but whatever. he finally emailed back with the following:

oh the magic of facebook. apparently my dad recently reconnected with his old best friend, jimmy, and jimmy had posted a few old-timey pictures. since my parents have been married since the beginning of time, my mom was there too. the caption on this one was "strange new years eve". strange? maybe that's why my mom is wearing a horrible orange dress and looks like she wants to shoot herself in the face. my dad is clearly out of his mind, and seems to be pointing at her for no reason. at least his 'fro had calmed down a bit by this point.

this one was just titled "camping, 1973." at least we have a date on this one. though im not sure where you go camping with a pretty little flower pot and wearing a pale yellow visor. cool, dad.

happiness is...

...having books, books and more books to keep me company at work.

prepare yourself.

just thought you might want to get ready for tonight by reading doc jensen's precap of whatever happened, happened. and if you need a refresher on last week/your brain is still imploded, you should read e's recap of he's our you.

....what the hell are we going to do when lost is really over?!

new careers for me.

#1. Softball Queen

me:i just got an email to be on the RH softball team. ummmmm let me think....
L: hahaha go for it! they're recruiting you because they feel your natural athleticism
me: um. only if we can make ICJA style girlie team sweatpants

L: of course. is there another way to play?

me: nope

L: glad we're on the same page

#2. Prankster

E: ok landis. i need your advice, because i think you're sneaky

me: ha ok...
E: have you thought about april fools? i need a goooooood joke

me: hahaha. im not sneaky like that! well when my uncle got married we trashed his hotel room.... like saran wrap on the toilet seat, vaseline on the door knobs, shortsheeting the bed...
E: ooh lala. shortsheeting??

me: where you make someones bed but with the flat sheet folded up halfway. so when they try to get in bed they can only get their legs halfway down....ha ha. or you can set their alarm to some HORRIBLE station to go off at like 3am.... i am imagining you doing all of this to your BF. im not sure why. or you can go matilda style and put bleach in someone's hair gel

E: shoot. you have such good ideas! i got punked last year

me: i like the saran wrap one. it's a really good. you put it under the toilet seat so they cant readily see it. and then the pee just comes back out at you.
E: yea, it's gross. i should do it, absolutely. thanks!

others like smoothies too.

j: you are not going to guess who i saw at jamba juice this morning

me: who?

j: minkowski!

me:.... minkowski?

j: from LOST!

me: yea DUH Lost... OHHHHHH! On the freighter?

j: yeah. who dies in the time traveling desmond episode

me: who knew that time traveling others liked smoothies too

j: i know! i listened closely to his order- pomegranate something or other smoothie and blueberry oatmeal with no brown sugar

me: you always see the fabulous people

major blerg.

i wanna be where the recession doesn't know my name.

seriously. what do i have to do to get away from this??! l suggested mars, though i'm sure the aliens have financial troubles as well.

"what's with today today?"

since today is turning out to be one, big poopmobile, i thought i'd share this hilarious recap of lost with everyone. i really needed a laugh, and this did the trick. maybe it will for you too, even if you're having a better day than me (which i sincerely hope you are).

if you want an actual recap of lost, please look here or here. this is just a loose summary of last week's "he's our you" - mostly hilarity.

hope the rest of your monday goes well....

bucket list

if you don't already get the scranton newsletter - sign up! the ultimate in mid-week hilarity by your favorite office friends. this week, a gem from our own michael scott:

Parting Scotts
by Michael Scott

As most of you know, I've given my two weeks' notice. Leaving my position of Regional Manager, after a storied career, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I've compiled a list of stuff that I will accomplish now that I no longer have to carry the Scranton branch, nay, the entire Dunder Mifflin corporation on my shoulders:

• Complete my bucket list.
• Rent Bucket List.
• Finally win a stuffed animal from the claw game at Chucky Cheese.
  
• Meet someone and fall in love with them, and have many many children.
  
• Visit every Six Flags, ride all the rides, never puke.
  
• Create and promote my YouTube video "Whoopie (cushion) Goldberg."
• Write my new screenplay "Very Scary Movie" - spoiler alert, it's a spoof of "Scary Movie" - only it's actually very scary. Also it's hilarious.
• Europe.
• Pimp my PT Cruiser.
  

.. i may need to add that Six Flags one to my own list.

americana.

in the past two weeks, we've had an insane project to put together for our german svp to present in berlin to our german parent company. that being said, i've spent a lot of time trying to translate german data into something that would make sense to me.

here is an email that our project leader just sent out to said svp, who is still in berlin post-meeting:

How did it go?? We are all on pins and needles! (That's an American expression for - we are anxiously waiting some news!)

Thanks,
Jill

i never thought we'd be translating american too...

miscellany.

author of one of my most favorite books - ben schott - has an interesting column in the nytimes that i just stumbled upon. if you like vocab, with a smattering of news, then this is for you.

if you enjoy that, then you'll definitely enjoy schott's original miscellany, which is a great little book. originally recommended to me by my (non)uncle d, it's good to have around if you've ever wondered about golf stroke nomenclature, how to tie a bow tie, the usps unofficial motto, or which countries are in the Arab League of States (OR how to tie a sari!)

my friends are t-shirts.

was just browsing my absolute fav, threadless.com when i started finding shirts that would be good for certain awesome people in my life...

for a: "biggie was right"

for z: "pancake mountain"



this one can be for z too, but mostly if you swap out "raisins" for "olives." ew. olive cookie.



for e. well, i think it speaks for itself.



clearly for l. she loves the dance.



for j. considering the trouble she gets me into, i can't imagine what she does on her own.



um. that's what she said.


seems appropriate for all involved.

oh brother...

ok, let me start off with - i don't like charlotte. i never liked her from the moment she crash-landed on the island. she always seemed like a snooty, stuck up rude-erson, and i just didn't care for her. she always had this look of "i've got a secret and there is no WAY i'd ever share it with you. ha ha, hee hee, ho ho." i didn't even care when she died. (ok, i was sad for daniel, but only because i like him.) but now, the lost blogosphere has erupted in anger over charlotte's real age (i know... major issue!!!). right after charlotte landed, and the losties took her hostage, ben rattles off her stats, including that she was born in 1979 (which would make her... not yet alive in 1977). YET! We/Daniel see a red-haired little girl bouncing around the dharma camp in 1977! What the hell, producers?! thanks to ew.com and darlton, we have our answer.

i'm not sure if i'm actually relieved that this has an answer, or whether to roll my eyes all the way back in my head as to how far this age discrepancy went...

skate o'clock.

i don't even care that this isn't an intelligent recap. it's hil-ar-ious. i'd highly recommend you read it, even if you are only 1/10th as nuts as me about lost.