let me do you a favor.

i am going to save you time AND money. how's THAT for a tuesday morning?!

(ok - if you're AT ALL planning on seeing unstoppable... maybe you should stop reading. vague spoiler alerts ahead. but the whole point of this post is don't waste your time seeing it so, i don't know. you're all adults (presumably) so - you decide.)

so, last night i went to see unstoppable. seemed to be right up my alley - action, explodey scenes and denzel washington. it was perfect. yet, it seems my movie snobbery may have slipped up a bit here. if felt like the director wanted me to understand a lot more about trains than i do (i don't know, maybe boys know about trains?) and no part of the movie made sense. rosario dawson was a)bad and b)not believable. denzel was just really no good. what happened here guys?? why did you think we would believe a movie where the best plan to stop a speeding train is to hope you can get it to flip over? and at the same time, you send in a marine to fly over the train suspended from a helicopter for seemingly no reason??

anyhow - just watch the snl sketch below from last weekend's show. it's EXACTLY the movie, and much more hilarious. and i think snl's new guy (jay pharoah) is PHENOMENAL and so spot on as denzel. enjoy the video, and enjoy having 2 hours of your life back in advance. your welcome.

linguistic lunacy.

i'm pretty sure that this could be categorized as child abuse.

a linguist, d’Armond Speers, decided to only speak to his newborn son in Klingon. yea, you heard me right. according to wikipedia:

"Dr. Speers is known for having undertaken the endeavour to raise his child bilingually in English and Klingon; Speers spoke in Klingon and his wife in English. A few years into his life, the child began rejecting Klingon and gravitating towards English, as he could use English with many more speakers. At the time of Speers' attempt, Klingon even lacked words for many objects common around the house, such as "table". The experiment ultimately failed when the child refused to use Klingon when he got older."

of course, now this guy has been hired to help create an official Klingon dictionary. and i thought i was weird...

hot dog.

krap kids.

just saw this ad posted on fb for kiddie kandids. my question is: who gets halloween portrait pictures taken of their kids? though i guess if you were going to do it, you might want to take part in this deal (buy 3, get 3 free). just enough for home, office, car, grandma 1, grandma 2 and your bffae!

dum-b.

even though they reportedly made thousands per episode on jon & kate, this is what happens when you live well beyond your means.

note to the gosselins: maybe try cutting back on your number of houses, kids, crazy parties, hair-do appointments, stupid clothes and bickering? just an idea. then you won't have to get a job at mcdonald's (as kate apparently claimed she'd have to do to pay their bills).

i'm sorry. what?!

as i was rushing home today, i breezed past the gap on 57th street. since gap is making a huge push for jeans these days, perhaps its no surprise... but in the window of the baby gap section i saw - skinny jeans for toddlers. i kid you not. the description online is "cool skinny jeans for your future fashionista." whatever happened to kids just being kids? the days when children had separate types of clothes, and not just shrunken adult clothes?

fyi - gap is also selling "boyfriend" jeans (which look insane on even the adult models... how do they look on normal sized adults?! let alone toddlers!), boot cut jeans, wide leg jeans..... basically everything on the adult side, just shrunk down for the kids. gap? stop it!

will my kids kill me if i don't let them wear skinny jeans? (or the future equivalent... skinny spacesuits, maybe.) i don't want them to be forced to be "future fashionistas." just let them work on being kids.

what would tim say?

so, i'm a fan of skinny jeans. most of my current jeans are of the skinny variety. but this i just don't understand. why in the heck would i want "black ankle skinny jeans that feature sheer mesh panels"?? nymag suggests this means that either true pants are on their way out, or this is a way to ease people back into pants who haven't worn them in a while.

sidenote: who decided that the back should be normal skinny jean? would these make more sense if they were mesh all the way around, like jean shorts attached to mesh leggings, or do they then lose their "skinny jean" appeal?

confusement.

did anyone else see this story on tmz today? btw, you may need to avert your eyes, or look really quickly. it's that bad. jon - we were all on your side! and now you have forced us to root for kate. that's how bad of a person you are.

questions:
- where is this?
- why is jon up in a window/booth? is he handing out the chips?
- what is this girl wearing (my vote is that it's a sparkly pillowcase)

bah!

had to tape up my phone due to false message indicator lights. how did that come on if no one called me, and i have no messages?! more importantly, how do i turn it off??

uh oh....

i don't like this, sam i am. apparently my irrational fears of the airport baggage handlers going through stuff may really be true. the police at jfk sent some fake luggage through, and they witnessed baggage handlers stealing laptops and cell phones! now, i'm not sure who doesn't travel with their cell phone on their person but STILL. and i'm traveling this weekend! all the more reason to pack light and carry on..... (which, in my almost-25-years, i have still not figured out how to do.)

put that away.

does this make anyone else want to stab their eyes out? (if so, sorry for ruining your day. i can't help but share...)

at least i'm in the top 10%.

woke up this morning to an email from "tim", the founder of pandora. among other things, he notified me that due to costs of royalties, pandora will begin capping monthly usage at 40 hours. he says, "most listeners will never hit this cap, but it seems that you might." damn straight i will, tim! i listen to pandora all day every day at work! his "first option" seems ok - paying 99 cents for unlimited listening after you hit your 40 hour monthly mark. but i am not going to start getting a membership to pandora. the beauty of it is that it's free! at least tim says they'll show you a counter, so you can see if you're starting to get close to your 40 hours. i'll keep listening, since i love it so, but does this piss anyone else off? what will the economy affect next??

at the end of his email, tim says to "please feel free to email me back with your thoughts." maybe i will....

not heelarious.

if you saw the daily show last night, then you've already heard of the newest and most shocking product -

high heel shoes for babies.

that's right. a company called heelarious (ha ha... not.) has been selling heels for 0-6 months old babies. they are all designed to look like stiletto heels (aside from a few pairs that are cowboy boots), but the whole thing is made out of some mushy material so if your 0-6 month old kid were to try to walk anywhere, the heel would just sort of mush down and collapse. i'm already opposed to kids dressing as adults, but this is above and beyond. can anyone explain why this is necessary? why does this even exist? who would buy these for their kid?

and it continues.

first off, if you're wondering where you can turn for mj news (i know, i know... we've been bombarded with it for almost a full week now), tmz.com is the place to go. considering they were the first to post he was dead, i kind of trust them in this. but they have just been flying off the handle with a new mj story every 4 seconds. here are two good ones in the on-going saga of madness:

#1: i knew it was too nuts to be true. the jackson family is now saying there will be no public viewing of mj at neverland tomorrow. whew! when i heard about reporters going there to camp out for days to get a good spot for pics, and all of the crazies who would descend onto the property.... it was just too much. glad it's no longer happening (well, we'll see what happens between now and tomorrow), but sorry to all those folks who were psyched about it...

#2: some chick is claiming to be mj's wife. first off, her name is Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson. can you say crazy?! that's my first clue. then she says, "all my husband's properties, monies and assets must be transferred to me immediately" and "my husband's body must be returned to the coroner or the mortuary immediately." uh, i don't think so, lady. if you are at all still in doubt that she is beyond nuts, she claims, "though he died to this earth he lives with my father Satan the Devil Khalid Lucifer." yes, please return mj's kids to her. great idea....

crazy time.

um, what? apparently things are getting even farther removed from whatever you learned in biology.

now, tmz is reporting that both debbie rowe AND mj are not the biological parents (of mike jr and paris; blanket is another story). not only were they conceived in-vitro (with debbie serving only as a surrogate, not an egg donor), but apparently it wasn't even mj's sperm either! who do these kids come from?! with blanket - apparently there was also only a surrogate, and the surrogate didn't even know who the kid she was carrying was going to (mj came 3 days later to pick up the kid. or atleast his lackeys.)

additionally, mj never formally/officially adopted any of these kids. since there was no one else who could really otherwise claim them, maybe he didn't think it was necessary? therefore, these were just some random kids he made and had living with him? ack. poor kidlets. hopefully this mess gets sorted out, for their sake.

i thought i'd never see it again.

i really thought this only happened at brandeis. but today, the nytimes let me know that air new zealand just made a new in-flight safety video with all of their pilots, flight attendants, etc in body paint. it's kind of hilarious. i'm curious to know what the meeting was like when they came up with this idea...

do you know your colors?

what color are the spirals? if you say pink, green and blue, you're wrong...

jon - kate+8?

unless you live in a hole (a hole that doesn't have wi-fi or cable or a People magazine subscription), by now you know something about the Jon & Kate Plus 8 debocle. as a long-time watcher of the show, i'm quite sad, though not too too surprised by the recent turn of events. the season 5 premier episode was pretty sad, with jon and kate barely looking at or talking to each other (even at the sextuplets' birthday party), and only appearing in intereviews together briefly. they both seemed sad and at a loss for what to do next. i came upon this interview with kate's brother and sister-in-law (both have frequently appeared on the show) that seemed really interesting. instead of coming to their aid and defending them, the relatives tearfully say that the kids are being exploited (duh) and hate being on camera. it's pretty interesting stuff if you're at all interested in this story. i know i am.

um... toilet restaurant?

yea, i kid you not. apparently, there is a new toilet restaurant in taiwan. it seems sort of novelty and cutesy (in an INSANE sort of way), but when you start naming dishes "bloody poop" and "green dysentery".... i am just not going to visit. thanks, time magazine, for your hard-hitting reporting.

my sister rules.

as you may or may not know, my sister is a coxswain on the U of M rowing team. (yea, she's pretty awesome.) she just got back from spring training in tampa, and i wanted to share this article with you about their success!

(p.s. - this is not a picture of her, but i'll post one when i get it!)