demotivation.

As you all know, I am a huge fan of sarcasm. My main mode is sarcasm and it should probably be my legal middle name. Now that I am an official office drone/cube dweller, I am a huge fan of those sarcastic office demotivating posters, modeled off of the way-too-happy office inspiration posters. ("Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." That is just vomit-city.) There are even hilarious demotivation posters from the office (cough - birthday present - cough)! A personal favorite in demotivation: 

Just come to our weekly Monday morning meetings. The above is more than true there. 


Recently, a particular analyst in our group had performed an analysis that I was reviewing. I told her that I had found a mistake and she felt really bad about it. She is amazing 99.9% of the time, so I don't care about one mistake. I told her that it was good that she had made a mistake because it gave me purpose and allowed me to affect change for our project. She immediately said "Oh that sounds like one of those posters!" This morning, I woke up to the following picture in my inbox: 

Personal motivational poster for me! It is now hanging in my cube, among all of my pictures, birthday cards, project workplans and consultant roadmaps. It's a great reminder of my purpose in office life! 

ballet boogie.

this one delights me every time.

who let the dogs out?

This post is dedicated to C, who greeted me this morning with: "Are you going to blog about something today so I can read it?" You’re welcome, lady!

 As you may have guessed it, this one is about dogs. First off – our dog, Mimi. Do you see this picture? That’s Mimi. Now I ask you – does this look like a vicious dog? If you answered yes, you’re wrong. The correct answer is obviously no. All this dog does is sleep approximately 20 hours a day. She is almost a cat. (Seriously – she loves drinking milk from a bowl.) She enjoys napping in the sun and on heating pads. The only remotely dog-like thing she does is chase squirrels and she is good at playing fetch with a tennis ball. I only know two people in this world who don’t like Mimi and one is a child and the other is an idiot.

Said idiot brings me to the nub and thrust of our story. Last week, a certain Human who shall remain nameless (cough – dad – cough) took Mimi on a walk, as per usual. For those who don’t know, Mimi’s worst enemy is the mailman (yes, this is a dog cliché). Whenever the mail comes, she FREAKS OUT for at least a half hour. I think she feels like the mail is an intruder and she has to protect us. Clearly, the mailman is enemy #1, since he delivers this intrusion. So whenever she sees the Mailman during a walk, she barks and barks and barks like a crazy person (dog). On this walk, the Human was unfortunately not paying attention and this time, Mimi was able to get close enough to the Mailman to “bite” him. I say “bite” because, hello – this dog weighs like 1 pound and her mouth is the size of a dime (do I need to refer you back to the picture above ?).

Anyhow, the Mailman alerted a member of the Highland Park Police Department, and a police officer showed up at our door about five minutes later. My mom was able to get him to go away by saying my dad was unavailable at the moment, and the police officer said my dad had to call him back later to discuss the incident. At the end of the day, we had to get Mimi tested for rabies and she is not allowed to be walked off our property for 10 days. We will be fined if Animal Control does not hear back from our vet regarding the results of the rabies test. Also, the ticket we were issued indicates that Mimi is an “attacking and biting dog”. She is now an outlaw from justice. (Maybe that will be her Halloween costume…? Miniature striped jumpsuit and small handcuffs?) (Oh no - after further research, of course this actually exists. What is wrong with people?)

Hilariously, when I texted my mom today to ask how Mimi was doing, she wrote “Have taken her on secret walks. Don’t tell the Mailman! No Xmas prezzies for him. He’ll be sorry!!” My family is the best. 

Secondly, I’d like to alert you that it’s that time of year again – when crazy dog people dress up their dogs in unfortunate-yet-sometimes-hilarious-and-adorable Halloween costumes. I saw this gallery today of dogs in the annual Tompkins Square Park Dog Parade. I think my favorite is the Pan Am Stewardess dog. What’s yours?

Happy Doglloween (and keep your doggies away from our Mailman)! 

bloody sunday.

What did you do today? I spent part of my afternoon bloodstaining my nails. Considering it is about a week until Halloween and I have yet to secure a pink and white spandex suit, à la Nicki Minaj, I think this will have to suffice as my costume. And I'm really no good at planning costumes anyhow.

This nail art was surprisingly easy, and is from my new favorite fashion blog, refinery29. Follow their instructions here. I would recommend a straw on the smaller side (maybe more like a coffee stir) and perhaps a darker shade than I used - my nails look a bit more like someone dropped strawberry jam on me. I still thought it was really fun to do, and would also look cool with a different color on top for non-Halloween time. I'm thinking of trying purple.

Here are my bloody/strawberry jam nails. Let me know how yours turn out!