i must take the wrong trains.

thanks to e for bringing this to my attention.

product alert!

if you've facebook-stalked me enough, you'll know that one of my favorite activities is researching "the best" of different products. when i finally find a lotion or something like that that is perfect, i like to share so you can know also.

today's product news is about covergirl outlast lipstain! (am i ready for my commercial, mr jay? easy, breezy, beautiful!) i had seen a commercial for it the other day, and went to DR this morning to check it out. in the commercial, drew (gag) tells me that it gives you color, but no sticky, creamy nonsense (that's what she said), which is why i very, very rarely use gloss or lipstick.

basically, it's like a felt-tip marker that you use to draw on your lips. it comes out really matte and actually (i kid you not) does not rub off on anything (you are welcome to come check my mug if you don't believe me). the covergirl website tells me that i can add a clear gloss over it, but why ruin a good thing?! i will not. so - thank you, covergirl. i am a happy camper and am glad to close the book on "best lip color".

i like crime.

...stories. if you know me, you know i'd never so much as steal a pencil. ok, maybe i'd steal a pencil. but nothing bigger than that. anywho, two of my favorite stories are recently back in the news.

the first is scott peterson, who wins the award for "worst husband and father....everrrr." people.com tells me that because he only killed his unborn fetus, and not an actual kid (which is debatable, but i'll let that go for now), the other inmates don't treat him as terribly as they do the actual kid killers. woot. and that the only picture he has in his cell is a huge photo of him and laci. sweet. this guy is a winner for sure.

the next winner is casey anthony, who is currently on trial for killing her 2 year old daughter (this is an example of an "actual kid" killer).the big news is that the prosecutuion just announced that it will now seek the death penalty against casey. whether or not i agree with the death penalty in general, i really think you shouldn't have anything nice if you kill your daughter, and then go out partying. but that's just me.

awk.

is it just me, or is this picture supremely awkward...? is obama trying to make out with him? has obama turned into a vampire? what the heck?! if you actually care about the story that went along with this, go for it.

i'm weird. apparently.

earlier this week, i received an email from my dearest l. the subject line read: "you know how you like weird things?" the rest of the email went on to say "I found this online, and I thought you might like it." she was right.... sometimes it's scary how well my friends know me. good work, l. i'm mostly likely now going to run away to london to make architectural models out of jello with sam and harry.

(fake) birthday present idea.

i've found the perfect present for dwight's next birthday (for the actual date, just break into his personal records). it's so perfect, i think he may already have it. if so, it's probably hidden in the filing cabinet under "s" for silicone.

time warp.

a few days ago, my usually-technologically-savvy dad emailed me asking how to "forward a picture from facebook." i wasn't totally sure what he meant, but wrote back saying that if he put a picture into an album on facebook, he could copy and paste the public link to someone. he wrote back saying that he found a picture of me tagged on someone's wall and wanted to show me.... ok. that made no sense, but whatever. he finally emailed back with the following:

oh the magic of facebook. apparently my dad recently reconnected with his old best friend, jimmy, and jimmy had posted a few old-timey pictures. since my parents have been married since the beginning of time, my mom was there too. the caption on this one was "strange new years eve". strange? maybe that's why my mom is wearing a horrible orange dress and looks like she wants to shoot herself in the face. my dad is clearly out of his mind, and seems to be pointing at her for no reason. at least his 'fro had calmed down a bit by this point.

this one was just titled "camping, 1973." at least we have a date on this one. though im not sure where you go camping with a pretty little flower pot and wearing a pale yellow visor. cool, dad.

happiness is...

...having books, books and more books to keep me company at work.

prepare yourself.

just thought you might want to get ready for tonight by reading doc jensen's precap of whatever happened, happened. and if you need a refresher on last week/your brain is still imploded, you should read e's recap of he's our you.

....what the hell are we going to do when lost is really over?!

new careers for me.

#1. Softball Queen

me:i just got an email to be on the RH softball team. ummmmm let me think....
L: hahaha go for it! they're recruiting you because they feel your natural athleticism
me: um. only if we can make ICJA style girlie team sweatpants

L: of course. is there another way to play?

me: nope

L: glad we're on the same page

#2. Prankster

E: ok landis. i need your advice, because i think you're sneaky

me: ha ok...
E: have you thought about april fools? i need a goooooood joke

me: hahaha. im not sneaky like that! well when my uncle got married we trashed his hotel room.... like saran wrap on the toilet seat, vaseline on the door knobs, shortsheeting the bed...
E: ooh lala. shortsheeting??

me: where you make someones bed but with the flat sheet folded up halfway. so when they try to get in bed they can only get their legs halfway down....ha ha. or you can set their alarm to some HORRIBLE station to go off at like 3am.... i am imagining you doing all of this to your BF. im not sure why. or you can go matilda style and put bleach in someone's hair gel

E: shoot. you have such good ideas! i got punked last year

me: i like the saran wrap one. it's a really good. you put it under the toilet seat so they cant readily see it. and then the pee just comes back out at you.
E: yea, it's gross. i should do it, absolutely. thanks!

others like smoothies too.

j: you are not going to guess who i saw at jamba juice this morning

me: who?

j: minkowski!

me:.... minkowski?

j: from LOST!

me: yea DUH Lost... OHHHHHH! On the freighter?

j: yeah. who dies in the time traveling desmond episode

me: who knew that time traveling others liked smoothies too

j: i know! i listened closely to his order- pomegranate something or other smoothie and blueberry oatmeal with no brown sugar

me: you always see the fabulous people

major blerg.

i wanna be where the recession doesn't know my name.

seriously. what do i have to do to get away from this??! l suggested mars, though i'm sure the aliens have financial troubles as well.

"what's with today today?"

since today is turning out to be one, big poopmobile, i thought i'd share this hilarious recap of lost with everyone. i really needed a laugh, and this did the trick. maybe it will for you too, even if you're having a better day than me (which i sincerely hope you are).

if you want an actual recap of lost, please look here or here. this is just a loose summary of last week's "he's our you" - mostly hilarity.

hope the rest of your monday goes well....

bucket list

if you don't already get the scranton newsletter - sign up! the ultimate in mid-week hilarity by your favorite office friends. this week, a gem from our own michael scott:

Parting Scotts
by Michael Scott

As most of you know, I've given my two weeks' notice. Leaving my position of Regional Manager, after a storied career, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I've compiled a list of stuff that I will accomplish now that I no longer have to carry the Scranton branch, nay, the entire Dunder Mifflin corporation on my shoulders:

• Complete my bucket list.
• Rent Bucket List.
• Finally win a stuffed animal from the claw game at Chucky Cheese.
  
• Meet someone and fall in love with them, and have many many children.
  
• Visit every Six Flags, ride all the rides, never puke.
  
• Create and promote my YouTube video "Whoopie (cushion) Goldberg."
• Write my new screenplay "Very Scary Movie" - spoiler alert, it's a spoof of "Scary Movie" - only it's actually very scary. Also it's hilarious.
• Europe.
• Pimp my PT Cruiser.
  

.. i may need to add that Six Flags one to my own list.

americana.

in the past two weeks, we've had an insane project to put together for our german svp to present in berlin to our german parent company. that being said, i've spent a lot of time trying to translate german data into something that would make sense to me.

here is an email that our project leader just sent out to said svp, who is still in berlin post-meeting:

How did it go?? We are all on pins and needles! (That's an American expression for - we are anxiously waiting some news!)

Thanks,
Jill

i never thought we'd be translating american too...