who let the dogs out?

This post is dedicated to C, who greeted me this morning with: "Are you going to blog about something today so I can read it?" You’re welcome, lady!

 As you may have guessed it, this one is about dogs. First off – our dog, Mimi. Do you see this picture? That’s Mimi. Now I ask you – does this look like a vicious dog? If you answered yes, you’re wrong. The correct answer is obviously no. All this dog does is sleep approximately 20 hours a day. She is almost a cat. (Seriously – she loves drinking milk from a bowl.) She enjoys napping in the sun and on heating pads. The only remotely dog-like thing she does is chase squirrels and she is good at playing fetch with a tennis ball. I only know two people in this world who don’t like Mimi and one is a child and the other is an idiot.

Said idiot brings me to the nub and thrust of our story. Last week, a certain Human who shall remain nameless (cough – dad – cough) took Mimi on a walk, as per usual. For those who don’t know, Mimi’s worst enemy is the mailman (yes, this is a dog cliché). Whenever the mail comes, she FREAKS OUT for at least a half hour. I think she feels like the mail is an intruder and she has to protect us. Clearly, the mailman is enemy #1, since he delivers this intrusion. So whenever she sees the Mailman during a walk, she barks and barks and barks like a crazy person (dog). On this walk, the Human was unfortunately not paying attention and this time, Mimi was able to get close enough to the Mailman to “bite” him. I say “bite” because, hello – this dog weighs like 1 pound and her mouth is the size of a dime (do I need to refer you back to the picture above ?).

Anyhow, the Mailman alerted a member of the Highland Park Police Department, and a police officer showed up at our door about five minutes later. My mom was able to get him to go away by saying my dad was unavailable at the moment, and the police officer said my dad had to call him back later to discuss the incident. At the end of the day, we had to get Mimi tested for rabies and she is not allowed to be walked off our property for 10 days. We will be fined if Animal Control does not hear back from our vet regarding the results of the rabies test. Also, the ticket we were issued indicates that Mimi is an “attacking and biting dog”. She is now an outlaw from justice. (Maybe that will be her Halloween costume…? Miniature striped jumpsuit and small handcuffs?) (Oh no - after further research, of course this actually exists. What is wrong with people?)

Hilariously, when I texted my mom today to ask how Mimi was doing, she wrote “Have taken her on secret walks. Don’t tell the Mailman! No Xmas prezzies for him. He’ll be sorry!!” My family is the best. 

Secondly, I’d like to alert you that it’s that time of year again – when crazy dog people dress up their dogs in unfortunate-yet-sometimes-hilarious-and-adorable Halloween costumes. I saw this gallery today of dogs in the annual Tompkins Square Park Dog Parade. I think my favorite is the Pan Am Stewardess dog. What’s yours?

Happy Doglloween (and keep your doggies away from our Mailman)!